Becoming a Mother

I got asked today if I thought becoming a mother has changed me? And to be honest I would think this is a “captain obvious” moment, but this person was serious. She truly wanted to know if having my son has changed me.

My answer was not simple, it was real and raw.

To be honest, if becoming a mother doesn’t change you, then I personally think you shouldn’t have kids! Becoming a mother changes everything from your body, to your mind and your spirit. It changes your behavior, your lifestyle, your thinking, your everything! You develop routines you didn’t have before, you lose sleep, you gain weight and you lose time, just to name a few.

When you become a mother, everything you do revolves around your new baby. I was having a conversation with a college buddy on Saturday about how your entire life changes because of the babies. He and his wife had twins six weeks after I had my son. They started out with an au pair while my husband and I went the daycare route and now only a few months later they are doing the day care route and my husband and I are considering the leave my job and become a stay at home mom route. Both because of our babies.

I hear these stories of babies being forgotten by their parents in the cars or at home and I can’t imagine how. Even before my son was born I couldn’t understand how this was possible. And even more so now. Because when I had my son he became my world. He became my reason for doing things. Like going to bed early, because I knew that he’d be awake by 7 and that means I have to be awake by 7. And when he’s awake I have to be 100% awake because he’ll need to be cared for, I can’t be falling asleep when I have a little human I’m responsible for.

I never knew how much my life would change by becoming a mother, but it most definitely has. So when I was asked this, it was by a young woman who was thinking of starting a family. Her and her husband have been married for two years and they think it’s time. So I told her some of my reasons why I waiting until I was 35 and how it changed our lives. Why I waited:

• I wanted to make sure I had the right man-a lot can happen between age 20 and 30 and I wanted to make sure I still loved this person as I aged.
• I wanted to be financially stable
• I wanted to be mentally stable! A big deal if I can’t make decisions concerning my own life and now wanted to bring another life into this world.
• I wanted to make sure I was ready to give up certain things. Like a cocktail out with friends on a random week day or going to the club to dance with my girlfriend on the weekends.
• I needed to know if my spouse was ready. For me, my husband already had two…that were almost grown, did he really want to start over again?
• I never wanted to raise a child in an apartment, so we had to buy a house with a yard preferably outside of town.
• I never wanted to have my kid raised by others, aka, day care workers, so I needed to know if we could survive as a single income household.
• I needed to make sure the older kids were okay with a new baby, especially my autistic son.
• And most importantly I needed to pray about it and let God decide.

These are just a few reasons why I waited but I don’t regret waiting one bit. I know the person I am today is way different than the person I was ten or fifteen years ago so I am forever grateful for my decision.

As for the way my life has changed since:

• I now know what unconditional love is.
• I double check everything now
• I clean more now
• I sweep and vacuum at least twice as much now
• I look in my rear view mirror at least every other minute to check on the passengers
• I drive slower
• I take naps! Every time the baby sleeps, I’m sleeping! When at work, I sleep as soon as I get a lunch, break or get home and have free time.
• I bathe less, used to shower every morning and night now I’m lucky if I get a real shower three times a week and no baths. Don’t have enough time to fill the tub and enjoy before big guy is either awake or crying for some reason.
• I treasure my “me” time more now, used to get it all the time so I took it for granted, now I stretch that hour alone as long as I possibly can.
• I share my food, huge change for me, I used to not share, still don’t share drinks but I see myself doing that too real soon.
• I watch what I say, used to curse and not think twice about it, now I choose other words.
• I drink less and hide the alcohol, he’s only 10 months but I don’t want him accidentally getting into it.
• I turn the handles around on the pots when cooking….I never did this and it bothered my husband to the core, now all I think about is big guy coming around the corner and reaching up and pulling a pan of hot grease down on him.
• I let everyone buckle their seatbelts before putting the car in drive.
• I put the car in park and turn it off before I unlock the doors to let everyone out.
• I watch everyone around me and their actions and demeanor.
• I sit facing the door wherever we go, ie a restaurant, movie theater, etc. I want to see who’s coming in and who’s leaving.
• I set my social media to private and I guard what I post.
• I feed my kids first
• I keep all cleaning solutions off the floor and put away
• When I need to do something I have to schedule it around the big guy and where he’s going to be. Such as all errands are ran right after work before picking him up. Try to expose him to the least amount of people as possible.

The list honestly goes on and on, but these are some of the major changes I have made. My entire life has changed for the better because of this little man and honestly I think it should for all parents. I think if you are not willing to change your ways or your habits then maybe you are not really ready to become a parent. Children are huge responsibilities and you have to be in the right mindset in order to truly put yourself aside and make them number one going forward. So I hope this person took all the information I told her and makes the right decision.

I’d love to hear other mothers opinions on this topic. Please comment below, would love to hear all opinions on how becoming a mother did or did not change your life and why.