Building New Thanksgiving Traditions

Every year I get asked the same question, “How will you be spending your Thanksgiving?”

And every year I give the same answer, “Making a thanksgiving dinner for me and the boys and watching some football.”

Then the follow up questions. “Will you be with your family?” “Will your husband’s family be there?” “Are you able to make it home to see your family?” “Just you and the boys?” These questions never end. And when they get honest answers, I get the guilt trips or the horrified looks on the people’s faces…I mean why wouldn’t you want to spend thanksgiving with your husband’s family.

And once again I tell the long story about how I was excited to get together with my new family. I haven’t been able to spend Thanksgiving with my family in Idaho since 2006. Most years I spend Thanksgiving with friends. But after I met my husband, I went all out the second year into our relationship, spent all day in the kitchen the day of and the day before, on both thanksgiving and Christmas, just to have his family show up and they “already ate.”

I was crushed! My spirit broken!

I mean seriously who comes to someone’s house knowing they were making a feast of food for them and eat before coming?! It changed me; it changed my opinion on going all out for people who don’t appreciate it.

I came from a family that no matter how far apart we lived, we were always together for Thanksgiving and Christmas, every year no matter what. And if you ate before you got there, it didn’t matter you’d eat again. Because it was what you did. You paid your respect to those who spent all day cooking by at least eating a small plate of food. But the food was so good that no matter what, no one ever ate before getting there.

I remember spending every break from school and every holiday helping my grandmother in the kitchen making cookies, bread, rolls, Christmas candy, turkey and all the fixings. Hours and hours of cooking. The pride my grandmother took in making a huge dinner for her family was more than anything you’d ever seen before. It was like her contribution to the family for traveling all the way, fighting the mounds of snow in Garden Valley, Idaho and climbing the mountain sometimes on foot if their cars couldn’t make it up the steep hill to the house with all the snow. And believe me it happened more often than not.

I even remember one Christmas my brother got stuck, in his band new Ford F-150, he was so proud of it he wanted to show it off to the family, so he drove it up for Christmas and slid into the side of the mountain. Grandpa got out there with his four-wheeler and wench and towed him out while the rest of us, sat around laughing and taking a lot of pictures!

To this day, it’s things like this that brings a smile to my face when I think of the holidays. It’s how the holidays are supposed to be, spent with loved ones who respect each other. They can eat beforehand, but they would never not eat grandma’s cooking because they know how much hard work she put in to making it.  

So, when my in-laws did this not once but twice to me, I told my husband I will not be doing this again. That I wanted us to start our own traditions make it an immediate family event. And six years later we still don’t. Every thanksgiving we spend with just us and our kids. Christmas Day is the same, but the week before we spend it with my family in Idaho and after Christmas we spend an hour or two with his family just to exchange gifts since we see them more often.

This is our tradition and this is how we like to do it. As our kids get older and have spouses and kids our table will grow.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are supposed to be filled with love, happiness, and blessings. One should not ever feel disrespected or unvalued, and especially not in your own home. Every family has issues, or disagreements, but on the holidays, you should put all of that aside to spend a few hours with the ones who are supposed to love you through and through.

So, if that is not what you are getting, create new traditions. Always surround yourself with those who truly respect you and love you for who you are.