Deciding to get Pregnant

I’ve discussed in an earlier post about my son’s birth, but I haven’t mentioned the journey I took that lead me to that point.

Most people don’t know this, but I never wanted to have my own children. I wanted to adopt. I wanted the guarantee factor of having a child that looked like me. Or at least had the same color of skin.

You see I grew up being darker than anyone in my family and because of this I felt different. I felt out of place. I felt like I didn’t belong, sometimes. Not that my family ever made me feel this way, they didn’t, but I made myself feel this way. Every time we took family pictures and I looked nothing like any of my family. You could see the little dark girl amongst a family of white people.

And to make it even worse for me, I was never attracted to white guys as I got older, never dated in High School because I went to a predominantly white school in a predominantly white town. But please don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with white guys or the white race, I am part white after all, I just wanted attracted to them. So I knew I was going to marry someone of another race and that made me fear of never having a “mini-me” because then there was the risk of their genes being more dominant than mine. So as far back as I could remember I wanted to adopt. I wanted to “pick” my child. I had this idea in my head that if I adopted I could guarantee the child I adopted would have similar traits as me so I’d finally have someone to look like me. I know now that’s not how it works. But back then that’s what I wanted to do.

It wasn’t until I met my ex where I wanted a mini-me and him. At the time I was so in love with this man that I couldn’t fathom not creating a beautiful, blended mixture of the two of us. But after that relationship went sour I went back to the idea of adoption and being a single mom. I had a plan, if I didn’t meet someone by the age of 35, I’d adopt or get a sperm donor. I knew I wanted to be a mother one way or another and adoption is hard for single women.

Fast forward 4 years I met my husband and I saw how amazing he was with his kids. I wanted that! I didn’t know if it was going to be with him at the time, it was still new and all, but I knew I wanted a man like him to be the father of my children. So I decided to change my mind and to let it be known my intentions before getting too far into a relationship. And luckily for me, God blessed me when I met this amazing man because he wanted more kids.

Every woman is different, every pregnancy is different. Some may be planned, and of course some may be accidents. But like I said in a previous post, becoming a mother is a blessing, no matter how it is done. I always knew I wanted to be a mother, I just didn’t always want to go through the pregnancy part. I’m just glad I have been blessed to experience motherhood.

I want everyone who reads this to know there are options. All types of options, for having a baby and for those who know they are not ready to be a mother, but are pregnant and for those who want to be a mother, but can’t physically get pregnant. I know it’s a touchy subject because of the world we live in, but there are options. If you want to know all your options or just want to talk about it, shoot me an email. I have a lot of resources and I can get you contact information for others who can help too. Just remember you are beautiful and you have a choice.

God Bless.