Everything Mama,  Lifestyle,  Modern Day Woman,  Wifey

I Fear For My Family During These Times

May 31, 2020 / 40 Comments

I’m married to a black man and I have black kids and every day I fear for their lives.

Every day we hear another story of another black man being brutalized or murdered by a police officer. And every day I fear for my family. My son is sixteen and wears hoodies like Trayvon Martin. My husband is a hardworking, every day, normal black man who sometimes drives too fast, but is always the one at our store late at night. Both I worry about on a regular basis.

I worry that my son will get accused of doing something he would never do because he matches a description of a young black boy in a hoodie. And having the cops come and with him being autistic not understand what is going on, all while walking to or from the bus stop, cause that’s the only time he’s really alone. Or my husband being accused of breaking into our own store because he’s a black man and no black man could own a Subway, right?! Or he gets pulled over cause he drives a very common car and gets accused of matching a description of a rapist or burglar in the area. Or when all my boys go to the local school to give the toddler some time outside and someone calls the cops because of them being black and they are out while the county is still on the “stay home order” or someone heard of a black man in their neighborhood doing something illegal.

I worry! Constantly!

I worry on a regular basis because I’ve experienced it many times throughout my 37 years of life.

While in college I experienced racial profiling when a cop pulled over myself and a friend while driving to Safeway. My friend was driving but it was my car so the cop asked me to get out of the car and come talk to her at the back. She then told me flat out, she didn’t believe anything my friend had said, she wanted me to know it was okay now to tell her the truth. Which the truth was I let my friend drive my car because I didn’t want to and we were running to Safeway, that’s it. What she thought I have no idea. But because he was a big black man, she assumed I was there against my will or something.

This kind of stuff went on a lot in my college town. And now as I walk into a store or the mall with my sons I have people looking at me or watching my 16 year old while in the stores or my husband to make sure they don’t steal anything. If they only knew my son was autistic and he would never even conceive a thought like stealing anything. Or that my husband is a very well-educated man who by God’s Grace would never need to steal anything. I’m wondering if that would get them to stop staring and go back to their jobs.

Nowadays, it feels like every other week we have an incident where cops are killing another black person. It’s seriously scary. And the worst part is, I researched it today, they aren’t just killing blacks, they are killing whites, blacks, Mexican, and people of all other races. It’s just unbelievable. So far this year there has been a total of 228 individuals being killed by those who are supposed to be there to protect us. But for me it’s even more scary because all that is reported are the stories of another black man or black woman getting killed by another racist person with a badge. And I have a black husband, a black daughter and two black sons that are out there in the world.

We’ve had the talk with our 16-year-old a few years back. He knows he can’t walk down the road in the mornings with his hoodie pulled up. He needs to keep it down so people can see his features and not just assume he’s just another black boy in a hoodie. We’ve told both him and his older sister if they are ever stopped by the police to do exactly what they say with no attitude. And most importantly we have told them both to always do right, never hang out with troubled kids and to never lie, cheat, or steal. But every day it brings anxiety if it takes him a little longer to walk home from the bus stop. And this is not okay. Our children should be safe!

So, what am I supposed do? I’m at home with a toddler and pregnant what can I do? Families should not have to sit at home worrying about their family members making it home. Pregnant mamas should not have to stay up late every night just to make sure their husband, the father of her babies makes it home from a simple errand outside of the house. A parent shouldn’t have to worry about getting a call telling them their baby had been shot or brutalized by the people who are supposed to protect us.

And most importantly we all shouldn’t have to worry about whether the cop that pulls us over is one of the good guys or one of the ones that flips and kills us because they are having a bad day or something and we said the wrong thing. All cops aren’t bad, but how do we tell who’s good vs who’s bad and dangerous?

These are things we shouldn’t be worrying about. Why is this still happening in 2020! Why has this gone on for so long?!

Please if you have read this, please pass it on. I am a white mother married to a beautiful, hard-working African American man with three beautiful black kids. Please teach your babies about racism and please stop saying racism doesn’t exist. It does exist and it is going strong. But we need to be stronger. We need to admit racism does still exist and we need to teach love, teach our babies to love everyone, to be open to anyone and everyone with no judgement.

I fear for my family every day and I shouldn’t haven’t to. We as a country need to do better.

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40 Comments

  • Lidia

    May 31, 2020 at 1:26 pm Reply

    I love what you said.. Your right, we should not have to worry about our children our grandchildren, we should not look at color we need to see what’s on the inside that’s what matters.

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