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Step-Parenting: The Struggle is Real

September 29, 2020 / 19 Comments

Being a step parent is not easy and I won’t even try to lie and say it is! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced in my entire life! And it should be! Well if you ask me that is, I think as step parents we have to prove ourselves worthy and I personally think we should have to! Now let me explain!

I came from a family with a step parent so I know a thing or two about it! The only difference is, my step parent came into our lives assuming he deserved our respect, deserved our loyalty, and our love! And because he assumed, he deserved it, he never got it! Sure, he got kids that behaved for the most part and kids who listened to him when he told them what to do and when to do it, sometimes, but he never got the respect a “father figure” should have. He got cordial from us, but he never got the kids who wish him happy Father’s Day. Because no matter how hard he was trying or how much effort he put into raising us, he wasn’t our father and we never developed that type of close relationship.

You can’t come into a child’s life and assume it is going to be smooth! And there’s multiple reasons for this.

One main reason is because kids already had parents before you! They had a life they loved before you came into it! They don’t feel they need you; they have their mother or father and to them since they’ve never known anything different, they think their parent is the best and no one could do a better job. Which is one of the reasons why step parenting is the hardest thing to do in this life.

The hardest part for me with being a step parent is the whole proving myself worthy! As you have read in some past post my step son doesn’t need me. He has his mom and no matter how much she neglected him and stopped putting him first, he still holds her higher in regard than anyone else. Even more than his father who has always put him first above anyone else! And as for me….all I can do is try to do my best!

The other hardest part of being a step parent is being an equal opportunist when it comes to the treatment of all the kids! When I say this, I mean you have to be equal with everything, birthdays, holidays, discipline, special treatment, EVERYTHING! Otherwise the “step” child will start thinking you don’t want him around now that you have your own babies.

And to be honest, even if you are equal in everything it’s not easy getting everyone else on the “equal train!” Meaning your family! They will always see the “step” part of things. So that affects the little things, like when you mother remembers the birthday of your bio kid vs the birthday of your “step” son. (Now as a disclaimer, you will always see the word “step” in quotes because in our household we don’t treat anyone as a step parent or child!)

This is the absolutely hardest part of being a step parent for me! Having to explain to your oldest son why he didn’t get a card from his “new” grandma vs why his baby brother did. I can always do my part with making sure their gifts are equal, their birthday celebrations are equal, they are treated equal in every way, but the treatment from everyone outside of the four walls of your house is the hardest thing to control! And no matter how much you tell them, this bothers you, it doesn’t stop!

So how do you put a stop to this? I haven’t figured it out yet! It continues to break my heart every time. In some ways it’s better if family just forgets about all birthdays and Christmas for everyone, that way I don’t have to explain anything to anyone, but that hardly ever happens. Which is what makes it hard!

Like I said being a step parent is not easy! It’s hard! Especially when the step child is a teenager! And even harder when that teenager is an autistic boy!

But as step parents, it’s our duty to do our best! To be there for these kids like they are our very own, like they came from us! Because we chose this job! We knew our spouse had kids before we walked down that aisle and said “I do!” So remember even when it’s hard and sometimes unbearable, you matter and one day it will pay off! As long as you remember to not assume it’s going to be easy! It will take work!

You can do this! You will get through this!

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