Three Types of Love

Three Loves

I saw a post the other day that got me thinking. This post was about the three loves a person has in the course of their life. And this post brought light to the topic of love. So, I thought I’d share my take on the topic.

So, to start let me explain the three different types of loves.

1. The first love is the love that most often happens when you are young and you don’t think of it as love and you grow apart or break ties over something silly, but when you get older and look back on it, you realize it was love.
2. The second is a love that hurt the most. This love teaches us lessons and makes us stronger. This love includes great pain, lies, betrayal, abuse, drama and damage. It’s the love that changes your views on love, teaching us what we love about love and what we don’t love about it. After this love we know the difference between good and bad humans. And it is the one love that makes us closed off, careful, cautious and considerate.
3. The third love is your true love, the one that comes when you are not looking for it and it’s the one you can’t live without. You see beauty in their imperfections. You have no secrets. You want marriage and a family with them. This is the one love your soul loves.

The Young Love

So now that we know the different types of loves we all get to experience in our lives, let me tell you about my loves! It is after all the month of love around my house!

When I think back to my first love, I always smile because even thou I was very young and it wasn’t your typical type of love, some may say it wasn’t even love. But it was!

I met him when I was in the second grade and he was in the fourth. He was a friend of my brothers and he was a gift. He came to play barbies when he told his mom he was coming over to play with my brother. There were countless times when he’d come over and not even see my brother. He was the boy next door. But not really.

His mother became my mother’s best friend and his father my step-dads best friend. We camped together, we spent endless holidays and weekends together and our little puppy love that went on for six almost six and half years, was so strong our mothers planned our wedding. But that day would never come. We grew up and grew into two completely different people with completely different tastes and interests. He figured out his type was shorter, thinner, and blonder than me. And I figured out my type was taller, darker, and bigger than him. I soon realized I wanted the guy who could one day pick me up over the threshold, or the guy I could steal a tshirt from to sleep in when we weren’t together. And most importantly, I wanted a man who could go throw the softball or football back and forth with me and scream at the tv with me when watching sports. I couldn’t have that with him.

And then there’s our differences in ambitions, we wanted two different things, I wanted to become a pediatrician which meant ten+ years of schooling and he wanted to work with his hands, as a mechanic. I wanted nothing more than to live anywhere outside of Idaho, so I moved two months after graduating while he still lives there. We were just too different.

He came into my life when everything wasn’t so sunshiny, and he made it better. And to this day, 28 years since I met and loved him, I am forever grateful for the love we shared as kids and still hold a special place in my heart for him. And both our families are still friends to this day. So, it was most definitely my first love.

The Worst Love

Now my second love?! Wow, that one was a world wind of hurt, lies and betrayal. To be honest I have never spoken ill of this love of mine, most people don’t even know what happened, but now I think it’s time to be open about it. Be real and let the raw truth be known. So here we go….

I met him at a friend’s party, I lived in Oregon and he lived in Washington. And he made me laugh. At first it was great, he was great! He was tall, dark and gorgeous. Well at least I thought so back then anyways. My taste has changed since. But he had everything I was looking for in a man. He was educated, had a bachelors in psychology from UW, so I thought, but I’ll explain that later. He had the height, at 6’6” he was definitely hitting my height requirement, yes, I had one! I know shallow, but he also played soccer, which I did too so we had that in common. So, on the first impression, he was perfect.

At first, we talked, then he traveled by bus to come visit me in Oregon. Then, we decided to make it official and I introduced him to friends and family. And finally, I made the move to Washington to have a go at all this relationship stuff. Well then it wasn’t so perfect.

First, came secret messages on MySpace in a foreign language with another woman. Translate.com helped me figure that out real quick, and that’s when my heart cracked. Then, came the sexting, while lying next to my sleeping body. That’s when my heart broke, followed by lies, cheating and more lies. Then, on one fateful day in December after giving him a second chance, I came home after a long day at work to a paused video on my computer screen titled “Eleven-year-old gets raped by daddy.” That is when my heart was crushed. That night I kicked him out for the first time. That night I called off the engagement, that night I decided I’d never let him back into my house, or my life.

But you guessed it, I did! I was in love with this man. He promised he didn’t watch the video. Said he didn’t even click on it. He promised that he didn’t even see it pop up before leaving the apartment that day. He vowed he’d never make any mistake like that again. He promised to never lie, cheat or ever hurt me in any way again. And I believed him after all he did make this promise while sitting in front of our pastor.

Everything was great again, for a while anyways. He lost his job, but I still had one so we were fine, plus he had a fat savings account so he promised to still help with bills. But instead, he shopped! And shopped!!!! Every day he had something new. His wardrobe took up the entire spare bedroom. Shoes, jackets, pants, you name it the man had it and not just one pair, no he had at least 50 pairs of dress shoes and suits to match. It was ridiculous. So, we started arguing about money! I was working 12 + hour days, the least he could do was stop spending all our money! And it didn’t stop there.

Some days he’d be gone way into the night, never telling me where he’d be, then he’d stay up all night playing video games, so I thought! But instead he was sexting again. Same girl. Like nothing changed! We’d go to weddings and he’d pretend everything was great! But one time we attended one of his fraternity brothers wedding and I got to hear all about the man I thought I knew.

Like he was married before!? He never graduated!? He had a restraining order against him by his first wife! For domestic violence none the less!!! So much truth handed my way. So, we argued! And when I confronted him on everything, every time, he’d turn it into being my fault! It was always due to something I did or didn’t do.

And then the final draw came when in the heat of an argument he put his hands on me. He said it was to calm me down afterwards but I didn’t care, I threw him across the room slamming him up against the next wall and kicked him out for the final time! He tried to get the pastor involved and tried making it all look better than it really was. And it almost worked, the pastor was on his side, until I told the truth, about everything. The first time we met with the pastor I kept most of the dirt to myself because I didn’t think he needed to know, but then this time was different. This time he was staying with the pastor and his family until we “worked things out.” And all I could think about was that video on my computer screen. So, I spilled all my truth. I had to, just in case he really did watch it and was interested in that kind of stuff.

The pastor had two young daughters, so I had to spill it. From that day forward, the pastor didn’t try talking me into forgiving him. Nope, he flipped, he supported me and my decision.

I learned a lot from those three years. Number 1 lesson, go with your gut, not your heart. Love is a powerful thing; it can blind you to the truth. Over and over the truth was shown to me and I still went with my heart, despite what my gut was telling me. I learned what love isn’t. And what I wasn’t willing to accept going forward. My experience during this time almost made me forget about love altogether. It hurt me so deeply I gave up on finding it. I thought I was in love, I was planning a future with this person, but I realized if that was love, I wanted no part of it! I lost myself in those three years. I gained weight and lost my self-esteem and self-worth. My heart was broken beyond repair! I hurt.

True Love

But like the Facebook post mentioned, there is a third love! A love so deep and pure it comes when you least expect it! And that love is what I found in my husband, well rather he found when he found me!

At my darkest, when I had almost given up on love, I signed up for Match.com. And after numerous horrendous dates! Some even creepy dates with men who followed me! I decided I was done, for real! My subscription was up in five days, and I wasn’t going to renew. But then magic happened, or should I say, God happened! Brought me the man He picked for me! Eleven years my senior, which we laugh about to this day because my profile had an age limit of ten years on it, so it technically shouldn’t have showed up in his daily matches, but it did. And he emailed.

“I know I’m outside your age limits, but I saw your profile and wanted to say hi.”

So, I checked his profile out. And called bullshit! There was no way this man in these pictures was 41 years old!!!! He was crazy fit, and muscles like I’ve never seen before, and did I mention he was stunning to look at? I had to email him back! The pictures alone got my investigative juices flowing, I had to meet him in real life just to see if he was a catfish or the real deal. But he was old school, he wanted to talk first before meeting. Not like the other guys on Match. All they wanted was a hookup, but this man, he wanted to get to know me. Like the real me! So, we talked! Well emailed, I wasn’t going to give my number out to another guy from this site. I made that mistake and got a dick pic! No thanks!

Two weeks and over a hundred emails had past and he finally wanted to do a meet and greet. Whatever that is! Lol.

So, he set it up at a local coffee shop in my area, but forgot to double check if it was open. And this man didn’t have a smart phone, you know so he could check his emails to see I had already arrived and the place was close. And he was running late! So, our meet and greet almost didn’t happen.

But then as I was leaving a broken-down car drove by with a man looking similar to the photos drove by, so I decided to go back and see if it was him. And it was! And our simple thirty-minute meet and greet turned into a two-and-a-half-hour visit on the side of the road at a closed coffee shop! Best two and a half hours of my life!

He was everything his profile showed. He was taller than me, dark, gorgeous, educated and super old school! I think it’s called chivalry! This man was chivalrous!

Four days had passed since that initial meeting and I was about to be leaving town for five days, but he wanted to take me out. I accepted, but I had rules. Rule 1, you will not come to pick me up. I didn’t trust anyone, I lived alone after all. So, no one, I repeat no one knew where I lived! Unless we were close friends, and at that time I had one close friend in the area. Rule 2. You will not drive me. Again, I don’t trust my life in just anyone’s hands. I’ll drive myself, just tell me where. Well he stopped me from going into rules 3,4, and 5! He was going to pick me up and he was going to drive me! He was not going to tell me where we were going until we got there. He was old school! But he respected my not wanting him to know where I lived, so he agreed to pick me up at the apartment office. Which even that didn’t work out, cause this time I was running late! I told him what apartment number and said come on up, I had to change since I spilled something on my dress. And he opened my door to the car and walked behind me down the stairs. He was a true gentleman.

We went on two dates of his choosing and then I wanted to see what he was really like, so I planned the third. I wanted to see if this man was really who he said he was or was I dealing with a representative. I planned my type of date: art followed by a Caribbean restaurant. He was everything he said he was! Not a dull moment during my date! Doing what I loved! He was perfect!

The rest is history really! We saw each other every weekend for a year before I moved closer to him since he lived almost three hours away on a Friday with Friday traffic. Which brought back all sorts of emotions since I was moving for another man. But this time was different! This guy was everything I wanted! Well except the height requirement, he’s under 6’ but he was educated, kind, loving, handsome, and we both love sports!

He was my Prince Charming, so what if he was 11 years older than me! He was the real deal!

He proposed in a way only a select few would appreciate, hiking to see a beautiful waterfall! He took my love of the outdoors, being in the wilderness and my love for waterfalls and made it even more perfect! He got the ring I fell in love with and he made everything about the day perfect!

We got married in a fairytale wedding in a big, beautiful ballroom with both our families surrounding us. He let me take the reigns and plan my ideal wedding just as long as he got to do one thing, rent a 1934 limousine! Everything about the day was perfect!

And every day since!

He is my third and most treasured love! The one my heart and soul loves! He is the image of perfection to me and he pushes me to be the best I can be. He is the hardest working man I’ve met and the most driven. He is the one who saw all my imperfections and faults and still broke through the wall I put up. He is what love is supposed to be! And I am forever grateful for God allowing my profile to show up on his daily matches even thou I had that age limit set! He is my biggest blessing! My one true and purest love!