Everything Mama,  Lifestyle,  Modern Day Woman,  Wifey

The Most Important Things to Know Before Marriage

August 22, 2020 / 22 Comments

You ever wonder why the divorce rate is so high nowadays compared to older generations? You see it all the time people who you think are the perfect couple end up making the announcement they are getting a divorce. Or the opposite, people who you honestly think are so different that they won’t last a year last fifty years! I’ve thought about it a lot since I’ve gotten married and even more so before I got married. It’s crazy really, there’s no rhyme or reason for why some get divorced while others stay together, but I think I’ve figured out some contributing factors to why this is happening by the dozens. I never wanted to become another statistic so I wanted to get married once and once only. So, I did some research.

Here’s what I found out. As a whole according to the CDC the divorce rate didn’t change that much between 1960 (2.2% per 1,000 people) and 2019 (3.3% per 1,000 people). Now there was a spike in the 80s where that percentage jumped to 50% but now it’s not as high. However, there has been a drop in marriages altogether and an increase in coupling. “Coupling” meaning more people are living together instead of getting married.

So, with that being said why is it we hear more about divorce these days then? Now keep in mind I am not an expert; my opinions are just that… opinions!

I have read a lot of books and done a lot of research on the matter because I have seen every member in my family get married and divorced years later. I vowed at an early age I would not add to that family tradition so I waited. Waited until I found the right man, waited until after I got my degrees, waited until I had my career set, waited until I knew myself. And because I waited until I learned who I was supposed to be as a person and a woman, I now know what it means to be ready for marriage.

I’ve known from age five or six that I wanted to go to college, I wanted a career and I wanted a family. I’ve always known I wanted marriage once and once only, but because I felt this so strongly in my heart, I also knew that I had to grow up and figure out life as an independent woman first before settling down for a family. I knew this because I knew in my twenties I wanted to party and have fun; I didn’t want to settle down.

After all my research I’ve found this is one of the top reasons for divorce! People get married before they are ready. They are young and they feel they know what love is and what life is all about, but then they grow up into the persons they are supposed to be and have different feelings.

With that being said, I have put together a list of important lessons I’ve learned over the years of being married and what I have seen over the years.

  1. Pick your battles.
  2. Never let anyone outside the marriage have an opinion on your marriage.
  3. Your spouse comes first-no matter what!
  4. Compromise can make or break your marriage, you choose.
  5. Sex is more important than anyone ever told you about in a marriage.
  6. Trust is everything, once it’s broken it can never be repaired no matter what anyone says.

I think this is pretty self-explanatory but as with all my posts, I want to provide you with my personal experience with each of these.

  1. Pick your battles-I think this one is the biggest one of all of them because it’s a marriage and there will be a lot of things that get on your nerves or annoy you to the extreme. Some will be huge while others will be crazy small like putting your coffee mug next to the sink instead of in the sink or not putting the toothpaste back in the cupboard, both small but if you let it, it will build up and then blow up. So, you need to pick your battles wisely or it could lead to an argument which may even lead to something worse. Don’t let it.
  2. Never let anyone outside the marriage have an opinion on your marriage-Now this one is huge; I have seen so many people end their marriage because of what another person said. I have learned over the years its better to not go to anyone with your marital problems, because everyone has an opinion, and worse than that, everyone will take a side and then when they take a side, no matter who’s at fault, they will blame the other side. Don’t let anyone have a pull when it comes to something, they should never have a say in. A marriage is between two people, that’s it. No one else should have an input.
  3. Your spouse comes first-no matter what!—My entire life my grandmother would lecture me about putting anyone else before your spouse. She would tell me when your kids grow up they will move away and have families of their own, friends will pass or move away as the years go on. She would tell me when its all said and done it will be you and your spouse, and if you choose your children, friends or family members over them, you may end up alone so always put your spouse first. And my grandparents have been married for 61 years so I think she knows a few things about the subject.
  4. Compromise can make or break your marriage, you choose.—This one goes back to #1. In marriage there is a lot of compromise and even bigger is when you figure out when to compromise and when not to compromise. But no matter what make sure you are willing to compromise before getting married.
  5. Sex is more important than anyone ever told you about in a marriage—I personally feel this should be #1 because its something that no one tells you about ahead of time. If its bad, you will suffer and probably end in divorce; if its good, but the marriage is not-your judgement may become clouded. And even more important is talking about it with your spouse, if there is something you want or need, your spouse needs to know.
  6. Trust is everything, once it’s broken it can never be repaired no matter what anyone says—people will tell you trust can be rebuilt if it is broken, you just have to forgive, but I disagree with that statement. I think you can forgive, but you can never forget, and when you can’t forget it prevents you from building the trust back.

It feels like every day I see or hear of another friend or person I know getting married. Some of them at such an early age I worry, but I have learned I shouldn’t worry. With that being said, I truly feel if anyone uses this list as a foundation for their marriage, I feel they will have a good chance.

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